The Gonzo Think Tank

Entries from December 2007

Benefiting from ignorance

December 31, 2007 · 1 Comment

As a political junkie, I’d hoped to see a presidential candidate campaign in Iowa at the same time I visited my grandparents over the holidays.

Senator Barack Obama was in Nevada at 1:15 p.m. Dec. 27. Perfect. It was on the route to Grandma’s house and the timing was impeccable. Deal.

My brother, Luke, and I arrived in the small town 45 minutes before the rally, but I typed the wrong directions into Mapquest. (Nice work, idiot.)We didn’t know where we were going, but Nevada is small so it wouldn’t be difficult to find where a possible future leader of the free world would be, or so we thought.

The first Iowan we asked was a electrical worker. He stared at me blankly when I said, “Do you know where Barack Obama is speaking today?”

He had no insight. Thanks, buddy.

The next eligible voter I asked was a delivery guy at Casey’s convenience store. He looked puzzled as if he’d never heard of Obama. With a box in tow, he directed me inside to the cashier.

The young red-vested lady behind the counter knew who he was — confirming I wasn’t on Mars – but she didn’t know the location of the rally. She gave vague directions to the high school.

Nevada High School was deserted, but a bundled, middle-aged gentleman was leaving the post office. He was flabbergasted, as if I asked him for the meaning of life.

At the end of the street was a city worker. Surely, he would know. Yet a befuddled response ensued. But he called city hall and the receptionist said Obama would be at the elementary school. The city worker gave us directions.

For those scoring at home, the noxious number was:

1-for-6 

The opportunity to personally meet a future president should be embraced. To hear them speak to your quaint, small town should be cherished. Instead, it was ignored. Roughly 10 percent of Iowans caucus and that is a shame.

Their ignorance proved to benefit my brother and I. We sat in the third row and I got to shake the senators hand before his speech.

(While my brother took a picture of my back. Yet, I can’t complain. He was willing to do it, while forsaking the chance to shake his hand. What a good bro. Now sarcasm: Special thanks to WordPress for not allowing me to upload it!)

The 300-person rally in the school’s commons was the third political rally I’ve attended – and by far the best. I saw vice-presidential candidates John Edwards in Maple Grove and Dick Cheney in Duluth prior to the 2004 election. Both were larger in scale. Edwards had become stale like his running mate, John Kerry, and Lynn Cheney was present so Dick looked human.

Obama spoke eloquently, albeit from a stump speech. He was poised, articulate, mixed in occasional and innocent jokes, and used inflection was necessary.

He isn’t my candidate, but it was impossible not to be inspired by his avuncular persona. There is no fear and loathing on his campaign trail.

Too bad the well-meaning people of central Iowa missed out.

G

Categories: Uncategorized

Made in the U.S. of effin A

December 22, 2007 · Leave a Comment

My shirt – I’m sure – is the most diplomatic item on my frail body. It reads: Assembled in Guatemala of U.S. components.

My socks are mismatch. That must mean, if “Made in the U.S.A” stands for anything, they are Mexican, Cuban, or worse, Canadian.

This backwards logic only resides because if something isn’t right, it certainly isn’t the U.S.’s fault. That would be make too much sense, be too easy.

Example: Fault lies with China and India because we won’t agree to Kyoto. Even the ignorable Australians agreed to it, finally.

This “patriotic” country is backwards. Afghanistan is in shambles and, now, we order an inquiry. C’mon.

Made in the U.S.A. is sanctimonious. Our supposed righteousness matters nothing. NAFTA, CAFTA, give me a shaft-ta? (Shasta is delicious. Where is it made?)

One thing I do know, this was certainly made in the U.S. of effin A.

Put down the Coors Light, pal. … You need all the help you can get. 

Fity… 

.;[]‘/.,///’[p;././.,/.,/.';][p, ... .::. 3:34 a.m. (give or take 23 minutes, 5 seconds.),.,.,

G

Categories: Uncategorized

Don’t dodge Dodd

December 18, 2007 · Leave a Comment

Senator Chris Dodd took a principled stand Monday when he threatened filibuster to proposed phone company immunity legislation.

Dodd, a Democrat from Connecticut who is running for president, wasn’t on the campaign trail like colleagues Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and Joe Biden. Dodd stood up in the chamber, with Russ Feingold and Edward Kennedy, and said, “We will not tolerate [Bush's] abuse of power and veil of secrecy.”

chris-dodd.jpg 

The Administration wants to give AT&T, Verizon and other telecommunication companies immunity for their cooperation in the plan to eavesdrop on American citizens.

As a pundit from Air America said Monday on Countdown on MSNBC, there is no need for immunity if no laws were broken.

The Administration didn’t take these eavesdropping initiatives into the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court, therefore, they broke the law. And now there are 40 lawsuits pending against telecom companies.

eavesdropping.jpg 

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid tabled the ensuing fight until 2008, although many Democrats want this issue resolved. These “leftists” are likely the same Democrats that regretted the August decision to expand the powers of the National Security Agency, who conduct the spying.

Clinton, Obama and Biden voiced their support for Dodd’s filibuster threat, but they weren’t in Washington to back him up.

Dodd, who should be my candidate for president after the results from an online quiz, defied this attack on civil liberties. Dodd is receiving a minuscule percentages in presidential polling and can justify staying Washington, but by doing so he showed why he should move to the White House.

G

Categories: Uncategorized

Gonzo First Tank: Channeling Carlin

December 14, 2007 · Leave a Comment

Get down. Tear it up. … Play your cards right. Fold. … Lay low. Fly high. … Throw down. Let up. … Tappin’ it. Knockin’ it down. …

Raise the roof. Spike the ball. … Call me back. Pay it forward. … Set the standard. Lower the bar. … Get dirty. Stay clean. … Whats the low down. Give it up. …

Live up to your potential. Chill out. … Dunk. Dive. …

G

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Another outlet

December 13, 2007 · Leave a Comment

I’m a contributor to the Duluth Current, a snooty blog from the newspaper elite: 

http://www.areavoices.com/current/

If the Tank isn’t peculating, maybe the Current is flowing.

G

Categories: Uncategorized